Jim is no longer in the Social Security System

Our son, James Emory Gilmer, Jr. passed away on Feb. 2, 2009. His death was reported to the Dothan Social Security Office on Feb. 3. James received a payment each month for Social Security Disability and we put it into our bank account and used it for his expenses, etc. He was unable to handle a bank account so I was his payee and handled his money for him.


His check which was deposited in our bank account on Feb. 3rd, 2009, was taken back from our checking account on Feb. 11, 2009. We found out about this when we received a post card in the mail from the Soc. Sec. office on Saturday, Feb. 14th. Jim almost threw the double post card in the trash but opened it up, and read about what they had done.

Now listen to this! They also recalled Jim's social security check and closed out his account, due to death. We went to the Social Security office on Feb. 17 to let them know that he is very much alive. When he called the SS office, they said he must come in in person and bring proof of his "existence". I went along to tell them that he is my husband and that he is indeed James E. Gilmer, Sr. The checks have different numbers so there was no reason to take back both checks.


Jim filled out a lot of forms and the representative told him that she would fax the forms to the Birmingham payment center overnight and on Friday his check should be back in the bank.


Four days later and there has not been a payment sent back to our bank account. Instead, today (Sat.) he received a letter from the Soc. Sec. office telling him that he needs to call them and explain why "he" sent his check back. I also got a letter addressed to me as Payee for James, Jr telling me that I need to return all checks he has received, etc. They took that check out of our account and should not have as it was for January and he died in Feb.


What a mix up!! I guess it happened since they have the same name; one Sr. and one Jr. But with different social security numbers. I wonder if and when Jim will get his account reinstated. This is part of our montly income and we need it.


I guess there will be more trips to the Social Security office and hopefully we will get this resolved in the very near future.


Maybe we should contact President Obama!!!

Buying a Bedspread

In 1979, we built a new house in Winston-Salem, NC. It had 3 levels on the backside, which included a walk-out basement guest bedroom and bath, a first floor and a master bedroom upstairs, on the 3rd level.


We bought new bedroom furniture and chose a poster bed so that you could lie in bed and look out the big windows overlooking the woods behind us to a valley below and I-40 in the far background, and see the beautiful sunrise in the winter. I'm a short person and I thought the bed might be too tall for me and at first I was afraid I would fall off during the night. By today's standards, it is a "low" bed. I would have to have a ladder or stool to climb into the new beds. The top mattress alone would be a good height for me!


Now for the saga of buying a bedspread for our poster bed. Three years ago I bought a white, cotton mattalasse bedspread with shams. Jim disliked the spread from the beginning. Since retiring he helps me make the bed every morning when we get up and was used to a quilted bedspread that had seams for the side of the bed to help you keep the spread straight. He hated the new spread because he could never get it straight. I like the casual look and never noticed that it wasn't perfectly straight along the bottom of the bed. It looked so pretty with our dark cherry poster bed.


So... I started looking for a fitted, quilted bedspread to make him happy. Guess what! They don't make that style anymore. I looked in all the stores in our area and all I could find were heavy comforters and coverlets that are smaller than bedspreads. We live in the South and don't need heavy down comforters to have to remove from the bed every night. Besides they don't tuck down at the bottom of the bed between the tall posts. Comforters were too short to tuck the pillow underneath. When we went to FL in January, my sister and I went to all the stores in Sarasota thinking you could find a lightweight bedspread in that sunny state. Not so!!
Just big fat comforters with lots of pillows (which you also have to remove at night).

When we came back home, I started searching online again. I found a "bedspread" at the JC Penney site, under a "close out" sale page. Originally it was $259 but was on sale for $ 84. I thought $84 was a lot to pay but decided to order it anyway. It came in 2 colors: pink or blue. Ugh.... Jim agreed that the slate blue was a good choice so I ordered the bedspread. I also ordered 2 pillow shams, and 3 waterfall valances for the single window.


The valances and shams arrived right away but the bedspread was out of stock! We waited awhile and the bedspread finally came. To our surprise, there were 2 pillow shams folded inside the bedspread. No mention of this in the description of the ad. I think they must have wanted to get rid of them! Anyway we made the queen size bed, and the bedspread reached the floor on each side with about 4" left over. I will have to cut it off and rehem one side, which I can do. They must have allowed for extra pillows or very fat ones, because I need to cut off about 12" from the length. I plan to use that to make a quilted valance for the window.  First I will look into buying some bed "risers" to put under each post to elevate the bed 3-4" so maybe I don't have to cut off the bedspread.


I forgot to mention that bed coverings are made to fit beds with tall mattresses, which we can't use on our poster bed. We had to get a mattress topper instead. I can still get in the bed without a stool but eventually will need a stool to get out of bed when I get old--er.


Now we're looking at the modern pedestal sinks for our guest bedroom and I haven't convinced Jim that this is what we should buy to replace the old cabinet.

An evening with a great storyteller

She made us laugh, telling tales with her soft, southern voice. It was a cold, rainy night and we could have stayed home and sat in our den, looking over to the corner where the empty recliner would remind us of James' absence.

Instead we accepted 2 free tickets to go to the Just Folk coffeehouse on the town square in our little town of Elba to hear a great story teller, Kathryn Tucker Windham.  The petite, 90-year-old lady had come from Selma, a 2-hour drive away, to share recollections of her southern life. :

The coffeehouse was packed and many of us sat in straight-back chairs (some had cushions) or if you got there early, you chose one of the big soft chairs or sit on a sofa. Refreshments were laid out on the kitchen counter at the back of the long room and the aroma of fresh coffee greeted us as we walked into the big room (once a theater).

I was amazed that she stood on the small stage (right in front of us) for 2 hours, except for a 15 minute break. She spoke into a microphone which was nice since she has a soft voice. I was amazed that she could step up onto the stage.

You get so immersed in her dialogue that you forget about anything else. Jim and I laughed and laughed and it felt so good following the sadness after our son's death on Feb. 2nd.

A great lady, and a great evening. So many memories of my own childhood. She's only 16 years ahead of my time. And we share so many of the same experiences and philosophies. She's a much better story teller! You can listen to her talking on NPR and Ala Public Radio, but it just isn't the same as looking into her eyes and see her smile as she looks right at you while she's speaking.

Floral tributes & Memorials for James' funeral

Shown here are some of the flowers we received for our son James' funeral on Feb. 5, 2009. Only a few fresh flowers were taken to the cemetery and they froze overnight, it was so cold that day.

We have a lot of pot plants in our living room and I am wondering what I will do with them. I'll find places for them next week (Jim calls me "Scarlett" because my motto is "I'll think about that tomorrow"). Flowers are so comforting and I love them.

Many people have made contributions to our church in memory of James. Often I would have to leave during the sermon to take him to the bathroom (he didn't have a colon and his food had no place to stop after he digested it, and if I heard his stomach rumbling or growling, I knew there wasn't much time left to get to the bathroom). At our church, the bathrooms are behind the pulpit area so we would go to the back of the church, go outside, around the building and come in at the back to get to the bathroom.

Our new pastor, Stanley Carter, was aware of this problem and he and some others talked about putting a bathroom at the back of the sanctuary but there was not a good place. So... this evolved into a big capital fund project (over $650,000) and we are in the 3rd year of our 6 year goal. So I guess we have James to thank?? for this big project. Maybe we'll put a sign on the bathroom wall, "In memory of James Gilmer"! I wonder if anybody every had a bathroom dedicated to them???

Others sent donations to the Coffee Co. Training Center that James attended M-F all year long.

He didn't like the heat and there is not much shade outside the building, so I had been talking to the Director about the parents getting a large pavilion for them to have picnics, etc. I'm hoping we can do this with donations made to the center.

Eulogy for James Gilmer, Jr

Our youngest son Bill gave a eulogy for his brother James at his funeral. He gave me a copy to share on my blog for others to read. James is pictured here last halloween in his Uncle Sam costume I made for him to wear Halloween 2008.
__________________________________
Circus Clowns, Train whistles, Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. John Philip Susa’s Stars and Stripes Forever,
Santa Claus, firecrackers, Baseball cards and Bugs bunny-
These were all things that brought a broad grin to James’ face.


From the moment of his birth at Opp hospital-to the day of his passing at Opp hospital, James’ life touched many people.
His handicap was both a burden and a blessing.
He was limited in capability, but unlimited in love.
He was limited in learning, but unlimited in teaching.
He taught us all about love.


James wasn’t one to taste his words before he spoke-they came right on out.
And you know, I don’t think he ever meet a stranger.
My Mom and Dad can tell you plenty of stories about that!


My brother meant something to each and every one of you, personally, even though James was older than me-he was always my “little brother”.
When we were toddlers, I’m told I use to be very jealous of James.
I thought he was getting all the attention.
But as I started passing him up in learning to walk, learning to read, learning to write,
I realized he wasn’t getting all the attention. He was getting all the attention he needed.
The time, the patience, the love that he needed to reach his potential. And he certainly did do that.


When we were kids growing up the little town of Paris Texas, I remember the times he followed me around to play with my friends and me. I was probably in the fifth, sixth, or seventh grade.


Some kids made fun of him, some kids were no long my friends. During those childhood years I became, his protector, I became his big brother. Just like Ronnie. I remember wrestling, and play fighting, and calling each other silly names like “rascally rabbit” as young kids; I was Batman and he was Robin. And I remember wrestling, and play fighting, and calling each other silly names like “rascally rabbit” just this past Christmas. I was Batman and he was Robin.
It was a blessing to still have a little brother at my age!


James did have a childlike nature, both a burden and a blessing.
As a parent myself, I can only stand in awe of the tremendous job my parents have done these past 52 years. The road was not easy, and there were many times I’m sure their patience was tried, but their love and their sacrifice brought a quality of life for James - One filled with security and joy, that only dedicated parents can provide.


James had a religious side too. I know he used to really enjoying coming to Church here, and going to vacation bible schools in the summer. I remember when he was baptized at the First Presbyterian Church in Florence, SC. Now some religious scholars may think that’s not appropriate, but I know he knew what he was doing! I’ll never forget when he came back to pew after his baptism; he looked at me and said, “Jesus Loves Me Too!” And just like the child’s song, I knew it was true.


Circus Clowns, Train whistles, Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.
John Philip Susa’s Stars and Stripes Forever,
Santa Claus, firecrackers,
Baseball cards and Bugs bunny-
These will always mean James to me.
Let us be thankful for all the special moments that my brother has left us each. And with that, I know that James will continue to live on within our minds, and in all our hearts.


Your brother Bill

James Gilmer, Jr Dec 8, 1956 - Feb 2, 2009

I haven't been writing in my blog for awhile. Our son James had gall bladder surgery on Jan. 28 in Dothan. He was in the hospital for 3 days and came home on Jan. 30. He died at 8:30 pm on Monday Feb. 2 at Mizelle Hospital in Opp, AL after going there to the ER for evaluation for stomach pain.

So much has happened since that night that my head is still spinning. We had a lot of family coming from out of town, and today they have all gone home except only our oldest son from Austin, TX is still here and staying for a few days.

We are doing ok but I can't write too much today with his photo in front of me. More another time. I'll add a little every day until the events of the past few days are covered.

This photo was taken on his 50th birthday and he was 52 on Dec. 8, 2008. I forgot to mention that James was mentally challenged and lived at home.

January 21, 2009 - A Day in History

The Inauguration of the 44th President of the United States is a historic event for the U.S. and the World.

We got up early today to start watching the presidential inauguration events, beginning with the church service at 7 a.m. our time. And at 7 pm, 12 hours later, our TV is still showing the events of the day. And I presume the balls will be broadcast all during the night. How can the President and the First Lady keep going and going and going.

I have been to Washington, DC many, many time and toured all the government buildings. But I've never seen so many people in one place in my life. I can't imagine standing all morning while waiting for the swearing in. And they all looked so cold. But when interviewed, most said they came today in order to have this memory of seeing the first African American president sworn in.

This young family will bring new life to the White House, much as the Kennedy family did. Young families need good role models. The grandmother will be there to help the little girls grow up as she did her own daughter.

We all love celebreties and today we got to see a lot of them. I especially was moved by the benediction of Rev. Lowry. His prayer was from his heart!

If I got one central message from today's activities: "There is HOPE for everybody and we must all work to achieve all we can and move our country forward."

I can't believe there have been 13 President's in my lifetime.